In the Knowing

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony… – Revelation 12:11 (New King James Version)

The words lifted off the page to meet me as I read them, like a mirror image reflecting my face, the scars and the light. The blemishes and the hope.

“An unexpected life as difficult and undone as it might be, could end up becoming the life you’ve been searching for all along.” Michele Cushatt

I was on short hop to Phoenix for work and I couldn’t put the book down despite my lack of sleep the night before. Instead of stealing a two-hour snooze on the plane, I poured over every word of her story and it felt like my story. Unexpected suffering.

Each night when I closed my eyes the week leading up to this trip, I dreamt my three children were standing in the middle of a two-lane highway, straddling solid, bright yellow stripes – a Mack truck heading their way. My mind filled with panic and my heart thumped hard in my chest. And there was nothing I could do – in my dream. And there is nothing I can do in real life. My kids’ dad is not well. Though we are no longer together, his ongoing health issues do and will affect them. And this affects me. I have this compulsive desire to keep bad things from happening – and if I can control good and bad, then I can keep them from suffering, right?! Can I, though?

We all experience heartbreak in our lives and difficulties that threaten to crush us to dust like the elements from which we came. There are days I doubt that what I have done to rise above my circumstances will ever be enough to produce the outcomes I have desperately prayed for in my kids’ lives or in my own. There are days when shots ring out in the halls of our schools or across the thresholds of our synagogues, and we aren’t sure we can go on in this wicked world.

This particular day, as I settled into my aisle seat in coach, I needed a fresh breath of real. A dose of you’re not alone. Michele delivered. Hope is delivered in so many ways – this day it was in the knowing, the belonging created by the words of someone else’s testimony of overcoming.

In this world, we will have difficulties, and as Jesus reminds us in
John 16:33, we can find hope in knowing that He has overcome this world. We have hope in Him – may we remind each other.

For those curious about the book I finished in two, 2-hour flights, check out Undone, A Story of Making Peace in an Unexpected Life.

4 thoughts on “In the Knowing

  1. Chris

    Codie,

    Just wow! I really needed this one. You gave me Revelations 12:11 a bit ago and I visit it often.

    One day soon I’ll tell you about my recurring dream where I can’t be there in time. It’s a common one for people in my line of work. But I know there is always hope. And I believe that good will always persevere.

    Thanks for being my friend!

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