This Girl Can!

“…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  – Philippians 1:6

Yesterday I did the unthinkable, for me. I went to the gym. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve donned a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra and don’t forget my hide-me-I-feel-fat oversized white t-shirt that looked like it was from a men’s big and tall store. I wanted to hide from everyone and everything – not sure that was a well thought out plan since it was like rush hour traffic on the 101 in Los Angeles at our recreation center at 6:30 pm. STRONG/Barre class was my personal torture while others battled with free weights and exercise machines like they were slaying dragons – wielding and grunting, steam seemingly rising from the heat of their labor like the nostrils of a beast.

Not only was I tired and grumpy about the whole thing before I even started, I felt the twinge of a familiar uneasiness rise, a familiar playlist you know all the words to like a worn out 80’s mix tape.  You don’t belong here. You won’t stick with this. You’ve let yourself go and you only have yourself to blame.

While I survived the class last night and the Gremlins in my mind, I am in pain today. Not just physical. I needed a little hope to help me push past the shame fog this morning. And Tauren Wells did not disappoint with his song, God’s Not Done With You. One of the habits I am slowly forming is dedicating my time in the car to uplifting music. It is one small way I can book end my day, protecting my mind from the Gremlins of doubt, fear, self-loathing, and shame.

Shame is my jam; it’s everyone’s jam really. We all have this emotion. I happen to treat it like it’s my BFF, always hanging out together and sharing wild stories; so, I really needed to hear this song today.  

One of the lines says, “Even when you’re lost and it’s hard and you’re falling apart, God’s not done with you.” It was just the hope-filled reminder I needed to lift me out of my funk. We don’t have to be defined by our shame stories. We can take our thoughts hostage, grab them and hold them up to the light of what God says about us – what He is doing in us. (2 Corinthians 10:4-6)

I fired up Audible and listened to Brené Brown on my evening walk tonight, putting the other book end on my day, filling my mind with truth about shame from the shame researcher herself. It helped to know I was not alone. My legs hurt so bad from the sudden workout I did yesterday that a friend had suggested I get out and walk tonight so that I didn’t stiffen up. Partially working. Partially look like Monty Python Silly Walks when I am trying to get up and down the stairs to my room.

I worked out, and, as my friend Robbie says, I did not die. This girl can! And you can too! Whatever it is…God is not done with you yet. He will be faithful to complete the good work he started in you.

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